::  Posts  ::  RSS  ::  ◂◂RSS  ::  Contact

A calming strategy

December 6th, 2017
kids  [html]

When Lily (3.5y) is very upset about something fixable, here's something I've found helpful:
L: Papa I don't want this cup! This cup is blue! I don't like this blue cup!
My first impulse is just to fix the thing:
J: That's ok Lily, here's an orange one.
If she's not very worked up then this will often work fine. She takes the orange cup and moves on with her life. But if she's pretty upset then I find this tends to continue like:
L: That's not what I wanted! I don't want that cup! That cup is too small! I want a cup like my blue cup but orange!
I think what's happening here is I haven't given her time to calm down. She gets the new cup, still feels sad and angry, and finds something else to be sad and angry about. And now she's gotten set on a kind of cup I don't have for her.

What I've found works better is moving slowly and being collaborative:

J: What would be better?
L: I want a different cup!
J: Let's go over and look at the cups and you can pick one out.
L: [chooses an orange cup]
This gives her feelings time to dissipate, so that by the time she has the new cup she's ready to enjoy life again. She's also the one making the decision, so I have buy-in from her and we're less likely to go in a direction that isn't fixing the underlying problem.

Comment via: google plus, facebook

Recent posts on blogs I like:

How Fast New York Regional Rail Could Be Part 2

In my last post about New York regional rail schedules, I covered the New Haven and Harlem Lines of Metro-North and the Main Line and Hempstead Branch of the LIRR. I was hoping to cover more lines tonight, but due to time constraints only the Hudson Line …

via Pedestrian Observations October 17, 2019

Strong stances

I. The question of confidence Should one hold strong opinions? Some say yes. Some say that while it’s hard to tell, it tentatively seems pretty bad (probably). There are many pragmatically great upsides, and a couple of arguably unconscionable downsides. …

via Meteuphoric October 15, 2019

What do executives do, anyway?

An executive with 8,000 indirect reports and 2000 hours of work in a year can afford to spend, at most, 15 minutes per year per person in their reporting hierarchy... even if they work on nothing else. That job seems impossible. How can anyone make any im…

via apenwarr September 29, 2019

more     (via openring)

More Posts:


  ::  Posts  ::  RSS  ::  ◂◂RSS  ::  Contact