• Posts
  • RSS
  • ◂◂RSS
  • Contact

  • A calming strategy

    December 6th, 2017
    kids
    When Lily (3.5y) is very upset about something fixable, here's something I've found helpful:
    L: Papa I don't want this cup! This cup is blue! I don't like this blue cup!
    My first impulse is just to fix the thing:
    J: That's ok Lily, here's an orange one.
    If she's not very worked up then this will often work fine. She takes the orange cup and moves on with her life. But if she's pretty upset then I find this tends to continue like:
    L: That's not what I wanted! I don't want that cup! That cup is too small! I want a cup like my blue cup but orange!
    I think what's happening here is I haven't given her time to calm down. She gets the new cup, still feels sad and angry, and finds something else to be sad and angry about. And now she's gotten set on a kind of cup I don't have for her.

    What I've found works better is moving slowly and being collaborative:

    J: What would be better?
    L: I want a different cup!
    J: Let's go over and look at the cups and you can pick one out.
    L: [chooses an orange cup]
    This gives her feelings time to dissipate, so that by the time she has the new cup she's ready to enjoy life again. She's also the one making the decision, so I have buy-in from her and we're less likely to go in a direction that isn't fixing the underlying problem.

    Comment via: google plus, facebook

    Recent posts on blogs I like:

    Interview with Kat Woods: decision-making about having kids

    Realizing what you don't want The post Interview with Kat Woods: decision-making about having kids appeared first on Otherwise.

    via Otherwise July 5, 2022

    Decision theory and dynamic inconsistency

    Here is my current take on decision theory: When making a decision after observing X, we should condition (or causally intervene) on statements like “My decision algorithm outputs Y after observing X.” Updating seems like a description of something you do…

    via The sideways view July 3, 2022

    10x (engineer, context) pairs

    Your actual output depends on a lot more than just how quickly you finish a given programming task. Everything besides the literal coding depends deeply on the way you interact with the organization around you.

    via benkuhn.net June 9, 2022

    more     (via openring)


  • Posts
  • RSS
  • ◂◂RSS
  • Contact