{"items": [{"author": "Michelle", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/673285568202?comment_id=673288242842", "anchor": "fb-673288242842", "service": "fb", "text": "I agree, people should share their babies!", "timestamp": "1408581659"}, {"author": "Ruthan", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/673285568202?comment_id=673288607112", "anchor": "fb-673288607112", "service": "fb", "text": "There may even exist people (ahem) for whom a cranky baby is an enjoyable challenge, if not all the time.", "timestamp": "1408581847"}, {"author": "Kristen", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/673285568202?comment_id=673289420482", "anchor": "fb-673289420482", "service": "fb", "text": "As a person who never plans on having children but makes a living as a teacher, I highly enjoy short amounts of baby/child time. Also, this article: http://www.theatlantic.com/.../two-couples-one.../374102/", "timestamp": "1408582182"}, {"author": "Jeannine", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/673285568202?comment_id=673295907482", "anchor": "fb-673295907482", "service": "fb", "text": "I would love to cuddle with other people's babies! Who knows how long it'll be before I have my own, and I'll probably be too sleep-deprived to enjoy it then.", "timestamp": "1408585057"}, {"author": "Rick", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/673285568202?comment_id=673333836472", "anchor": "fb-673333836472", "service": "fb", "text": "It's certainly wonderful for all of us to have Lily here! I think you overestimate the importance of only having us spend time with her when she's cheerful. When parents are stressed because the baby has been fussy for a while, that is really the most important time to let others help. We are all happy to have a fussy baby when you need a break!", "timestamp": "1408619878"}, {"author": "Rob", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/673285568202?comment_id=673334550042", "anchor": "fb-673334550042", "service": "fb", "text": "I find living in a shared house with other young professionals is both cheaper and more enjoyable. And I don't even have kids!", "timestamp": "1408621051"}, {"author": "Laura", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/673285568202?comment_id=673336770592", "anchor": "fb-673336770592", "service": "fb", "text": "Ok- a parents control over happy vs unhappy baby is very limited. In general when there's company parents try to keep the child quiet, but again child has its own ideas second to second. Useful babysitting is babysitting where you don't need to sit the sitter. If you're not willing to change a diaper, then maybe children aren't for you.", "timestamp": "1408624073"}, {"author": "Jeff Kaufman", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/673285568202?comment_id=673344031042", "anchor": "fb-673344031042", "service": "fb", "text": "@Laura: \"a parents control over happy vs unhappy baby is very limited\"
This is in response to \"trying really hard as a parent to let the non-parents have the easiest baby-moments\", right? This doesn't actually require control over baby happiness, just prediction. I'm not sure how much this generalizes to other kids, but Lily is generally pretty happy when she wakes up from a nap or has recently been fed, and gets crankier the longer it's been since either of those. So if it would be useful to have some time where someone else has the baby I'll hand her off right after she wakes up from a nap, go do whatever, and then be ready to take her back when she starts to get grumpy. This definitely doesn't always work, and some people are happy to spend time with the baby regardless of how grumpy she is, but I think it's a helpful approach.
\"Useful babysitting is babysitting where you don't need to sit the sitter.\"
If you want to be able to say \"here, you have the baby, do whatever they need until I come back, and I'll pay you enough to make up for how you don't actually want to do that\" then hiring a sitter makes sense. But there are enough people who would like to spend a bit of time playing with a baby (and wouldn't want to go work as a sitter) that you don't always need such a heavyweight solution.
\"If you're not willing to change a diaper, then maybe children aren't for you.\"
The more restrictions you put on who can take your kid for a bit the fewer people you'll have in this category. There are lots of people like baby cuddles and would enjoy taking a happy baby (or one that stays happy as long as you keep bouncing) while you eat or shower, but who wouldn't enjoy the same deal if they were also expected to change the baby's diaper. And that's ok! I'm happy to do the changing; I don't mind it at all (helpful that she's not on solid food yet). I would agree with something like \"If you're not willing to change a diaper, then maybe parenting isn't for you\" but \"play with kid for\" needs a much lower threshold.
There's also a range from \"watch your kid all day while you're at work\" to \"watch your kid for a couple hours while you nap\" to \"watch your kid for the period between when one parent goes to work and when the kid gets cranky enough that it's time to wake up the other parent\" to \"watch your kid for a few minutes while you shower\" to \"hold your kid while you're all in the same room so you can have your hands free to do something\". At the \"all day\" end you need the person to change diapers, put up with crankiness, put the baby down for naps, feed the them, etc, while at the \"same room\" end they can be way more casual and just be a warm person to cuddle with. At one end you probably need to hire someone, but at the other there's a lot of untapped supply, and it's this large group of \"people I know who feel like they don't get enough baby time\" that prompted this post.", "timestamp": "1408629662"}, {"author": "Julia", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/673285568202?comment_id=673349300482", "anchor": "fb-673349300482", "service": "fb", "text": "Richard, My reluctance to hand over a fussy baby comes from my experience that most people aren't particularly good at soothing her when she's going full blast. It's not really viable to keep six or more people abreast of what she currently wants, the particular way to bounce her or hold the bottle that she likes this week. That's a lot of trial and error. So when she's upset, I want her with someone who can calm her effectively. It's hard for me to take a break knowing that she's downstairs screaming. That doesn't seem fair to her, even if the adult doesn't mind.
The downside to handing her off when she's happy is that there have been times when I felt like other people were getting all the happy baby time - the weekend she learned to smile I barely saw it, because I was pumping milk, doing laundry, etc. every time she seemed calm. (Also because I was too exhausted to be as animated with her as I would like to be.) But if I had been alone I suppose I would have been even busier. And I've certainly enjoyed many of her smiles since.", "timestamp": "1408633327"}, {"author": "Karen", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/673285568202?comment_id=673360847342", "anchor": "fb-673360847342", "service": "fb", "text": "You DO have an amazing family! I often joke with Donna Motley Whipple that I wish you could adopt me! (Lack of diaper issues should be a plus.)", "timestamp": "1408640922"}, {"author": "Gianna", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/673285568202?comment_id=673369035932", "anchor": "fb-673369035932", "service": "fb", "text": "One challenge to implementing your idea for short bursts of handing off the baby is that you need to have other people around in your immediate vicinity when and where you want/need to do this. This would be more likely in the communal living situations that you describe, but less likely in a typical household. I think it would work particularly well within a condo association, or a city block. We are planning to do something similar with our upstairs neighbors, who also have an infant.", "timestamp": "1408645840"}, {"author": "Sarah", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/673285568202?comment_id=673397473942", "anchor": "fb-673397473942", "service": "fb", "text": "It's mutually beneficial, I feel -- not only does reaching out and connecting build a caring community, but I'd bet that more experience with children leads to comfier parenting later.", "timestamp": "1408657621"}, {"author": "Gianna", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/673285568202?comment_id=673416341132", "anchor": "fb-673416341132", "service": "fb", "text": "To build on what Sarah said above, I also think it would help everyone be more empathetic towards people with young kids. There is some element of truth to the idea that you don't quite know what it's like until you've lived it, and I often think that increasing segregation of generations, coupled with people in certain cohorts (ours included) having kids later, probably leads to less empathy on the whole for families with young kids and makes life a little harder for everyone (probably true on the flip side, for older folks as well). Speaking only for myself, I know I developed a lot more willingness to be understanding towards friends' very young children in different situations when I started hanging out with those children more - it was a good way to get a bit of a sense of how things might go now that I have a baby myself.", "timestamp": "1408668174"}, {"author": "Alice", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/673285568202?comment_id=673428940882", "anchor": "fb-673428940882", "service": "fb", "text": "I think this is a good example of how humans are supposed to live with others. Rather than a nuclear family.", "timestamp": "1408670622"}]}