{"items": [{"author": "Andrew", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/663043747892?comment_id=663044017352", "anchor": "fb-663044017352", "service": "fb", "text": "This is the sort of phenomenon that the book Difficult Conversations talks about... But I don't think it has a specific answer to your question. I am curious too.", "timestamp": "1402398022"}, {"author": "Danner", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/663043747892?comment_id=663048333702", "anchor": "fb-663048333702", "service": "fb", "text": "When Miranda and I started talking, she didn't expect anyone to question her the way I did. She was used to New Yorkers, who just nod and agree, then continue on with their lives. She now speaks more carefully around me, knowing that I'm actually listening to what she's saying. Thank you for describing the type of respect that I practice.", "timestamp": "1402402751"}, {"author": "Miranda", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/663043747892?comment_id=663048673022", "anchor": "fb-663048673022", "service": "fb", "text": "Don't leave out the bit where I was appreciative and entirely thrilled by the challenge.
Accuracy check: not New Yorkers. I hadn't started living in nyc then.", "timestamp": "1402403101"}, {"author": "Gianna", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/663043747892?comment_id=663049311742", "anchor": "fb-663049311742", "service": "fb", "text": "In the scenario you describe, it might help to preface your questions with some indication that you take their claim seriously, but would like to know more. You could even go so far as to explicitly state your intention and explain your behavior. In any case, this is what had been helpful in the past to me, when I was first learning that questions didn't necessarily mean distrust/challenge (Keith naturally or through practice has your approach. I now intellectually prefer that as well, but having grown up with a different conversational style, emotionally it can be helpful to have strategies not to slip back into that)", "timestamp": "1402404027"}, {"author": "Bil", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/663043747892?comment_id=663050304752", "anchor": "fb-663050304752", "service": "fb", "text": "Touche! That exactly describes why I lost my GF 'back when. Even when I became more aware of it and couched my questions softly (\"Wow! I never would have guessed that. I'd love to see the numbers.\") she took it as an attack. I never solved the conundrum and I lost a beautiful person. :-(", "timestamp": "1402404977"}, {"author": "Miles", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/663043747892?comment_id=663067445402", "anchor": "fb-663067445402", "service": "fb", "text": "For your friend: If they spend very little money and are in a state with high sales tax (and lower income tax), it is possible that taxes would go down. That said, this is a very interesting model.", "timestamp": "1402416709"}, {"author": "Sam", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/663043747892?comment_id=663105648842", "anchor": "fb-663105648842", "service": "fb", "text": "I hate when people conflate \"trust\" as \"you should believe that I'm not lying\" with \"trust\" as \"you should believe me when I make empirical claims.\"", "timestamp": "1402436462"}, {"author": "Jeff Kaufman", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/663043747892?comment_id=663114605892", "anchor": "fb-663114605892", "service": "fb", "text": "Sam: I think the problem is overconfidence. If you're sure you're correct then there really is no difference between \"I'm being completely honest\" and \"what I'm saying is entirely reliable\". People just don't understand how bad our information sources are and how biased we are in processing it.", "timestamp": "1402442383"}, {"author": "David Chudzicki", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/663043747892?comment_id=663115773552", "anchor": "fb-663115773552", "service": "fb", "text": "Do you think the group that doesn't want questions takes the lack of challenge as agreement? (I.e., will they assume later that such unchallenged statements are mutually believed?)", "timestamp": "1402443338"}, {"author": "Jeff Kaufman", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/663043747892?comment_id=663116382332", "anchor": "fb-663116382332", "service": "fb", "text": "@David: I think so? But I'm not sure. I think the model is like \"we're happy friendly people telling another what we know, and were close enough that we can take each other's word for things.\"", "timestamp": "1402443796"}, {"author": "David Chudzicki", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/663043747892?comment_id=663116666762", "anchor": "fb-663116666762", "service": "fb", "text": "Might be a fun game to see how many contradictory things you can simultaneously get into the common ground.", "timestamp": "1402443944"}, {"author": "David Chudzicki", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/663043747892?comment_id=663117789512", "anchor": "fb-663117789512", "service": "fb", "text": "More seriously, whether they take such things as mutually believed goes to what \"model\" means in the title of the post: Is it just a matter of social convention (\"We don't like challenging each other's statements\" is a fine convention, although not one I would enjoy operating under very often)? Or do they have an actually incorrect model of the world?", "timestamp": "1402444394"}, {"author": "Sam", "source_link": "https://www.facebook.com/jefftk/posts/663043747892?comment_id=663126277502", "anchor": "fb-663126277502", "service": "fb", "text": "Jeff Kaufman that's a big part of it, but I I think some people just aren't introspective about their concepts.
I think it's related to how often people get confused by homonyms.
\"A feather is light.
What is light cannot be dark.
Therefore, a feather cannot be dark.\"
Less obvious versions of this sort of error are common.", "timestamp": "1402449270"}, {"author": "opted out", "source_link": "#", "anchor": "unknown", "service": "unknown", "text": "this user has requested that their comments not be shown here", "timestamp": "1402547613"}, {"author": "opted out", "source_link": "#", "anchor": "unknown", "service": "unknown", "text": "this user has requested that their comments not be shown here", "timestamp": "1402547837"}, {"author": "opted out", "source_link": "#", "anchor": "unknown", "service": "unknown", "text": "this user has requested that their comments not be shown here", "timestamp": "1402547850"}]}